its friday nite and im all alone here at home blogging… im just too tired to get out of the house. it was quite hectic and sleepless night for the past few days as im preparing for my exam. and holla! i sat for the paper this afternoon. all i wanted now is a short rest and continue to prepare for another paper then im done. no more exam for me.

after my exam, i want to spend more time outside. explore the world. meet more friends. exercise and live healtht! be active and focus. even though i spent most of my free time at home, it really make me feel tired, not physically but mentally. the more i stay at home, the more lazy i become and i will ROT one day!

what is hope ?
why do everyone hoping for something ?
is there really hope exist ?

i always starts my day with hopes but throughout the day, the hopes are just hopes and it ends with disappointment.

it goes like “the more you hope, the more you will be disappointed”

im just dreaming and hoping. i need to transform the hopes into reality. the fact is i always think too much and let myself carried away by thinking something silly and stupid enough to pull me down.

im tired of this crap. how can i learn self-control and focus on things which can bring positive outcomes.

sometimes it feel like our problems are so big. we replay it in our mind and feel trapped by our situation. whatever we focus on, become bigger in our mind. so, if you focus much of your energy on all your “suffering”, then that is what the world mirrors back to you

i would like to remind myself again. the above statement really help me to fight the negative focus in my mind. i felt so much better and inspired to not focus on the negative energy but the positive one…

and listening to P.O.D – Alive kinda give me more energy and feeling “alive”

Everyday is a new day
I’m thankful for
Every breath I take
I won’t take you for granted (I won’t take you for granted)
So I learn from my mistakes
It’s beyond my control
Sometimes it’s best to let go
Whatever happens
In this lifetime
So I trust in love (so I trust in love)
You have given me
Peace of mind

Chorus:
I feel so alive
For the very first time
I can’t deny you
I feel so alive
I feel so alive
For the very first time
And I think I can fly (fly)

Sunshine upon my face (sunshine upon my face)
A new song for me to sing
Tell the world
How I feel inside (Tell the world how I feel inside)
Even though it might
Cost me everything
Now that I know this
So beyond, I can’t hold this
I can never
Turn my back away
Now that I’ve seen you (Now that I’ve seen you)
I can neva look away

Repeat chorus

Now that I know you
(I could never
Turn my back away)
Now that I see you
(I could neva look away)
Now that I know you
(I could neva
Turn my back away)
Now that I see you
(I believe no matta
What they say!)

Daydreaming will yield more entertainment for you than a Hollywood blockbuster — so feel free to wander off into dreamland and focus on what your life would be like if all your hopes and dreams came true. This exercise in ‘what could be’ is more than just a fanciful escape from the daily grind — visualization is one way to bring something into being, and imagining alternative futures can help you choose the goals you want to pursue next.

Hmmm…

sometimes it feel like our problems are so big. we replay it in our mind and feel trapped by our situation. whatever we focus on, become bigger in our mind. so, if you focus much of your energy on all your “suffering”, then that is what the world mirrors back to you

the above statement really reflects what i am now. i really feel trapped and lost. keep thinking the world turns it back on me. i lost my positive focus. i lost the positive approach into certain matters. all i focus on is the negative things. it multiplies day by day. and i feel the heavy burden on myself that i almost lost myself. i almost give up. the dark side almost took me over.

now the challenge is to seek the direction to get back on track. i realized i went the wrong path. im not strong enough to protect myself from being “trapped”. i let my head to take over myself. i never decide what should i do to free myself. all i did is just being silly and stupid enough to keep on heading the wrong direction.

now, the challenge (not problem) is to pick up all those pieces and put them back together. continue the journey and look for the right path. reduce my negative self-talk. focus my positive energy. regain my confident. do the right things. there are so many things in life to explore. im not even half-way through my life. think of the future. take the dark past as a lesson and remind myself how hard i fought it back to regain myself back.

i never expect and wanted to be like what i am now. im just a typical and ordinary human that dont have enough faith and strength (not physically). i admit im not a fighter but im not a loser YET.

dear, it is not i lost myself because of you. i lost myself coz im too afraid of losing you. there are so many “what-if” questions keep on playing in my mind. i know i think too much. i make things worst. i created even more trouble. but dear, i really love you very much. i promise you i wont be silly anymore. i promise you i will focus on what is right and important. dear, without you, i never know that im so silly and hopeless. what you said and done really changed me. you are right, dont change because of you but for the sake of myself my future. it is like roller-coaster ride for me this 2 months but i promise you that we can take a smoother ride in near future.

reminder to myself : the transformation starts today.

how it is like living without computer, air-conditioning, lights, and all those electrical/electronics stuff?

it was last night around 1130pm, i heard a loud ‘pop’… then blackout! we thought it is just a normal power trip but we cant manage to power it up coz when we check the electric circuit breaker, there is burnt smell and the switch box is hot… we are very worried until my mom ask his friend to come over and have a look…

luckily he is not asleep yet and came over around 1230am and found out our circuit breaker already burnt

circuit-breaker.jpg

it is already late night and there are no store selling this stuff (i think the convenient store should sell) so we call it a night and experience living in the stone age. it was a night without my pc and air-cond. me and my bro slept in the hall and it was kinda warm but eventually it is quite cold late into the night. when woke up, realize that i’ve become a late supper meal for the mosquitos… mosquito bites everywhere!

by now i post this, everything is already fine. my mom friend bought a replacement unit and now im back to the cyber age.

haha… what an experience

im so fed up with myself now… i just dont know why and whats wrong with myself now. i just took my car for a carwash and the moment i done, it start raining. for the past few days, i never bring my car to wash coz it was cloudy all day and looks like gonna rain BUT it never rains! 9 out of 10 times i wash my car, it will be raining. i ruled out coincident but it is my fate. when will the sky shine for me ?

been trying to contact my dear since morning and she never reply my sms and pick up my calls…i know she must be busy with her trips n all i ask for is just a sms…

i miss you dear…

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